If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

The Summa Theologica is downright amazing when describing how things really go down inside your head. According to Aquinas, when our “passions” (the part of the emotion you feel in your body) get going it hampers our ability to think and make decisions. Psychologists call this phenomenon an “amygdala hijack”.

When you’re in the presence of anything you fear, your body starts preparing itself for a life and death struggle, a place where you don’t need to think because you don’t have time, where your entire physiology is gearing itself towards getting you to safety. And come on, don’t we all feel fear talking to a beautiful woman? Nervousness, and, if you admit it to yourself, fear of what you’ll think of yourself if she does shut you down, the real cause of “fear of rejection”.

I mean it makes a kind of sense, who hasn’t been rejected by a woman, and immediately felt a tinge of despair, I mean, thoughts like “Well of course she doesn’t want me either”. Your mind sees things clearly even if you can’t verbalize it, if you think a course of action is leading you towards feelings of embarassment and despair, of course you’re going to get nervous, of course you’re going to want to get out of there, or not approach a girl at all.

So, what’s the solution? A bunch of cheesy self affirmations? “Positive Thinking” perhaps? You know the sort of thing that happens, people tell you that if you just think things will turn out right they will, but you also know the first time it doesn’t turn out right your belief in “Positive Thinking” falls apart, and you’re left feeling just as alone and desperate as before, probably worse.

But there is something you can do. There are some things you can learn. Aquinas discusses this very issue, of how a man can show bravery even when his “passions” are shutting him down.

What do you need to know and do to get this handled?

Well, more on that later,

Michael D.

If you’re like me, dating felt like magic. I would go for months without any success, and then some girl would seem to fall from the sky. Things would go well for a while, and then it would all, inexplicably go away. I tried hard, but it seemed like I couldn’t win, even if a girl was interested, she didn’t stay interested and just melted out of my life.

Honestly, it feels like magic doesn’t it? No one’s interested and then if they are, of course, that’s doomed to end by her choice.

But, the good news is, is that it isn’t magic, not totally. When you became interested in women, you started playing a game where you didn’t know the rules, so it follows that you would never win, in this case, the cards were really stacked against you. It’s nothing to feel bad about, it really isn’t your fault, it only stays your fault if you don’t learn the rules when you have the opportunity.

I call them “rules”, but they are really natural laws, ways I believe God has designed the world of men and women to work, of the same nature as other natural laws, like gravity. If a girl gets interested, but doesn’t stay interested, that’s actually a really good sign! If she got interested at all, that means you’ve got what it takes to get a girl interested doesn’t it? You’re not helpless, because something you have or did got her into you at least initially. And why wouldn’t she? You’re the descendant of countless men who have been able to attract women into their lives, just by virtue of being here, this is natural law. She saw something of that heritage in you and was drawn to it. She was drawn to who you really are.

Of course that begs the question, why didn’t she stay interested? Well, you know it’s not because of who you really are, that drew her to you. The only explanation is that you obscured your birthright of attractiveness, you did or didn’t do something, that was at fundamental odds with what she first saw, and so she left. This is the first rule, being congruent with you are, what God designed you to be, and designed all your forefathers to be. Of course this involves knowing how to really get self knowledge, to know who you truly are.

More on this later,

Michael D.

Click this link for more Christian Dating Advice

If we speak of the happiness of this life, the happy man needs friends…not, indeed, to make use of them, since he suffices himself..but…that he may do good to them; that he may delight in seeing them do good; and again that he may be helped by them in his good work.-Aquinas

“…a good man shall be satisfied from himself.” Proverbs 14:14

Two things are always necessary to getting what you want, moving towards it and eliminating obstacles. One of the biggest issues for guys is neediness, feeling needy and acting needy.

If you’ve ever dealt with a needy person, you know how weird and sometimes creepy it can get. The minute neediness enters the picture, don’t you feel like running away? What makes us think we can get away with this when dealing with women?

One of the biggest steps you can take is just learning how to be happy and satisfied in general. We all want to be around happy, confident people and women are no different. Where men often get screwed up is when they pursue women in the hopes that their acceptance will provide that little emotional boost of happiness and strength.

Now this is a huge topic in and of itself, but it doesn’t have to be hard to put it into practice. I really like the way Aquinas describes friendship, it’s not something you need to get from others to feel good about yourself, it’s because you already feel good about yourself, if you’re a good man. From that point, you want to be able to respond favorably to the good in others, “rejoicing” in it because it reflects God. You also want to do good to your friends, not as a roundabout way of getting them to do good to you, but for its own sake, it feels good to you internally. Finally, good friends help you to do good things together.

Women are “special friends”. Don’t treat her like a resource to give you something you need. Treat her like a human being, rejoice in the good that is in her, and do good to her, and when you meet the right one, get married and you can certainly do a good thing together!

Learning how to really be benevolent towards another human being is one of the chief things that will make you really attractive to emotionally healthy members of the opposite sex. She’ll know that she can trust you, and be more likely to open up. Never forget, women risk a lot more in sexuality than men, emotionally and physically, so trust is crucial. If you want to be trusted, become trustworthy.