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How do I know? Because I’ve done it.

You see, in the beginning, I wasn’t just told no. Most frequently I just got a phone number for a girl that never picked up. Or, I went on what I thought was a date, only to find out later that she had a boyfriend and thought I was just being friendly. This happened several dozen times in a row (so many in fact that I lost track).

However, by changing what I was doing, I started to get results. I flirted with girls and they flirted back. I started going on dates where we BOTH thought it was a date. I even, shock, got girlfriends.

I learned that it didn’t have to be the way I thought it was, basically waiting for something to fall out of the sky and go my way. I learned that getting a girlfriend wasn’t magic, or luck.

I also learned about multitudes of men that had done the exact same thing. I also learned that you didn’t have to sacrifice your faith or character to do it. I also learned that having a stronger relationship with God actually helps.

You, as a man, are not supposed to be passive. God is not passive and you are made in His image. Why do we, as Christian men, think that everything else in life requires effort, but, somehow, since “God has somebody out there for you”, that this one issue will just “fall together” when “the time is right”. Who told us this? Does God say this?

For most of us step one is easy. Think about what it means to be passive, is it manly? Does it honor God? Does it even feel good? Isn’t passivity just indifference? Why not try being active, actually pursuing what you know you want and know is right.

Nothing goes anywhere until you take that first step. Be active, even if it’s just a little bit more. Be more aggressive, even if it’s just a little bit more. Then ask if this doesn’t somehow improve things, however little. Get into the habit of just taking smaller steps towards pursuing the opposite sex, and towards pursuing the things that you fundamentally want. Whether that’s learning more, or just screwing up the courage to ask one girl out a week, move forward. It costs you very little to try, just start moving and see if the first step doesn’t help you take the next one.

Michael D.