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Not what you think;

How many girls have you asked out? How many straight nos have you received?

Back in college I asked out a string of girls, big string, tried to ask one a day for a while and learned several things.

1) A girl will give her number to a stray dog.

2) You can tell a girl wasn’t interested if she doesn’t pick up her phone, or you receive a call from her boyfriend.

3) If a girl gives you a straight no, thank her, she just refrained from wasting your time.

I went through the full scenario at a conservative estimate at thirty times. Pretty frustrating, but the good that came out of it was that it made me dedicated to understanding the whole issue of men and women.

Here’s the deal, women are human beings. Being human, just like the rest of us, they want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings and avoid confrontation. It’s a lot easier to just give a guy your number (interestingly enough I never received a fake number, she just didn’t pick up), than to give him a straight no and risk a conversation where a guy demands she explain why she won’t go out with him. Not a pleasant prospect.

At first I was angry, stayed angry for a while. The worst part was hopes being raised by getting a phone number, and then being dashed. Again and again. And Again. When a girl gave me a straight no after fifteen flakes I verbally thanked her for not wasting my time.

The fact of the matter is things are a lot more complicated than they were in my father’s day. According to him the standard sequence was, you asked a girl out, she said yes or no, if she said no you acted like a man and moved on. If she said yes and after a few dates declined again, you acted like a man and moved on. Saved women the unnecessary experience of having to justify herself and saved men from a lack of clarity. Not so now.

What’s the solution? Get better with women in general. The more attraction you generate on the front end, the more likely she is to pick up, and I tell you it feels great when you finally hear that voice on the other end of the line.

Next, accept it for what it is. If a girl doesn’t pick up, leave a message, ask her to respond, if she doesn’t move on. Don’t take it too hard if it doesn’t go your way. If she isn’t straight with you, it’s not a serious failing. Don’t get angry, don’t get bitter, it’s just the rules of the game as it stands. If it happens a few times, no big deal luck of the draw.

If it happens thirty times in a row, check for a whole in your game. Move forward, get feedback, adjust course. Don’t overthink, don’t underthink, remember your principles. As long as you move forward and adjust based on feedback it will get better.

Michael D.

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