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If we speak of the happiness of this life, the happy man needs friends…not, indeed, to make use of them, since he suffices himself..but…that he may do good to them; that he may delight in seeing them do good; and again that he may be helped by them in his good work.-Aquinas

“…a good man shall be satisfied from himself.” Proverbs 14:14

Two things are always necessary to getting what you want, moving towards it and eliminating obstacles. One of the biggest issues for guys is neediness, feeling needy and acting needy.

If you’ve ever dealt with a needy person, you know how weird and sometimes creepy it can get. The minute neediness enters the picture, don’t you feel like running away? What makes us think we can get away with this when dealing with women?

One of the biggest steps you can take is just learning how to be happy and satisfied in general. We all want to be around happy, confident people and women are no different. Where men often get screwed up is when they pursue women in the hopes that their acceptance will provide that little emotional boost of happiness and strength.

Now this is a huge topic in and of itself, but it doesn’t have to be hard to put it into practice. I really like the way Aquinas describes friendship, it’s not something you need to get from others to feel good about yourself, it’s because you already feel good about yourself, if you’re a good man. From that point, you want to be able to respond favorably to the good in others, “rejoicing” in it because it reflects God. You also want to do good to your friends, not as a roundabout way of getting them to do good to you, but for its own sake, it feels good to you internally. Finally, good friends help you to do good things together.

Women are “special friends”. Don’t treat her like a resource to give you something you need. Treat her like a human being, rejoice in the good that is in her, and do good to her, and when you meet the right one, get married and you can certainly do a good thing together!

Learning how to really be benevolent towards another human being is one of the chief things that will make you really attractive to emotionally healthy members of the opposite sex. She’ll know that she can trust you, and be more likely to open up. Never forget, women risk a lot more in sexuality than men, emotionally and physically, so trust is crucial. If you want to be trusted, become trustworthy.