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I’m sure Joshua Harris’ heart is in the right place. And there is plenty to agree with, but I wonder if we’re not getting involved in semantic word games.

 

I have a friend who decided not to date in college, since he couldn’t get married in college. Laudable idea as far as it goes. Same went for law school. Couldn’t date until he had a job. Fine. Then enough money to support a family. Fine. Courtship is the way to go anyway. Can’t find dating in the Bible. Can’t find courtship either, so what can you find? Bargaining with a father for his daughter seemed to be the standard. Of course this isn’t as harsh as it sounds and makes a lot of sense as far as that goes. Most “arranged” marriages aren’t universally the top down enforced semi-slavery they sound like, but are in fact quite different in many cultures. The Orthodox Jews often practice shidduch, or matchmaking, and are in fact forbidden from marrying a bride or groom sight unseen.

 

Here’s something else to consider anyway. Dating isn’t mentioned, but neither are cars. Just because something isn’t mentioned in the Bible doesn’t make it wrong, if it was we’d have to go full blown Amish and beyond, in fact we would have to go, it seems to me, in a direction the Bible does not command. I do not recall anything in the Bible that commands us to use only what is found in it alone.

 

Harris’ focus seems to be on engaging in a relationship with a girl where the focus has a little more gravity than just having fun. No arguments here. All I suggest from dating is that it is a tool where you get to know a girl to see if you would be a good match. You can call it dating or courtship, but the thing is fundamentally the same. The only significant addition is that you ought to seek out a girl’s father before going forward first, but I think that this is a principle that makes a lot more sense if you’re in a community where doing so does not make you look like a total nut hatch. Are we really commanded to do so anyway?

 

Far be it from me however to argue someone into doing something that they can’t in good conscience do. I am not a fit candidate to tell you what God’s specific flight plan is for you, and it may be part of your journey. All I ask is that you consider what you’re really commanded or not commanded to do and be in open minded. Make any decision you make without reasonable doubt.

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