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…on how to treat you.

Anything judgements you make about yourself have a tendency to filter through. If you view yourself as fundamentally unattractive to women, you can’t be surprised if women treat you the way you treat yourself.

The difficulty arises in that you can’t just say, “I am attractive to women” ten times and switch this thing around. The only real cure for a bad thing is a good thing. Just saying the words like magic isn’t going to solve the problem. You need reasons to believe you’re attractive to women, and reasons to believe that the old self image of “I am unattractive” is not true. Then you need the courage to act on what your mind is telling you.

The greatest dating difficulties for men occur long before they take those first three steps towards the girl, let alone before they’re in a relationship. If a man judges himself unequal to the task of securing a woman’s affection, every step he takes towards a woman will be marred by a mind that is fighting itself, that is acting against a what he “knows” to be true. I personally ruined a really great relationship for pretty much this reason. On a heart level, I thought I wasn’t good enough, and I acted out on that.

Your “self image” is important and, although the term sound’s cheesy, it’s deadly important. The only real way to fix it is to be completely honest with yourself about your faults and about your virtues. As Christian men, we often avoid thinking about the last half, and often think wrongly about the first half.

We often search for a moral “safety margin”, we think that if we think of ourselves as worse than we are we can avoid pride. We also avoid recognizing our own virtues for thinking that it’s “prideful”.

The only problem with this understandable line of thought, is that we’re using lies to get to virtue, and that does not work. God has given each of us great gifts, to disclaim these gifts is pride. To think of ourselves as worse than we are is unjust.

The reality is that you may have to spend some time working on yourself to really be ready for a relationship. But, even if that’s the case, you’ll have far better relationships than you would otherwise.

And you’ll be more ready for them,

Michael D.